Aaron Gleeman posted today the news that the Braves have hired a new hitting coach… well they had to since Craig made that decision for them:
On the display Aaron and Drew transmitted and showed him the results. Flanked by their head-shots in the top corners the numbers on the screen were irrefutable.
“10th among NL teams in scoring? That’s below average! No wonder they have trouble putting up runs on the board! It’s time to intervene.”, Craig exclaimed. Drew and Aaron looked on curiously as Craig pressed more buttons on his chair. Two new heads winked onto the screen on the bottom corners, Larry Parrish was the first to react.
“Hello? Oh hey I know you, you’re Craig Calcaterra from Hardball- GAASP.”
Craig had made a fist as he had put aside his bubble pipe and Parrish was having trouble breathing. “You’ve failed me for the last time Larry.” He then turned to the other image.
“Greg, welcome aboard the Braves organization”
“Err.. thanks I guess.”
“The team needs to change their approach with this relentless hacking. More patience and working the counts is the order of the day. You’re the hitting coach now Mr. Walker!”. Craig pointed at Greg in emphasis with his bubble pipe. In the other image Parrish had made a struggling motion and then fell down completely as his image winked out.
Craig adjusted his robe and cut the transmission to Greg Walker. “Gentlemen, a change was required and has been implemented.” he adjusted his Braves bathrobe and puffed a few bubbles in satisfaction.
“Wait. How did he do that?” Aaron whispered to Drew. “I have no idea. I always thought it was Star Wars geek thing…”
I found the idea of Craig force-choking Larry Parrish too irresistible not to post. Only Craig and Tiffany know how exactly he accomplished that feat. The Braves had numerous issues during the 2011 season. Their 2nd half was marred by injuries to key starters but their offense has been pretty much on and off the whole way. It makes sense to can Parrish and bring someone new, though it remains to be seen if we’ll see real change in Atlanta. And if Craig REALLY had force powers he’d probably use them on Fredi Gonzalez…