The Lair proposes a new type of Baseball Card!

Something must be done to bring back the glory days of baseball card collecting! Topps is screwing things up!


Craig waited patiently sitting on his high chair, refilling his bubble pipe. Tiffany confirmed she received his package and promised to call. On his side table he had some rather unusual prototype baseball cards. The light on his chair blinked and he pressed it.

In front of his fireplace, where the Phanatic rug rested, the Braves 1995 Championship Team picture recessed into his wall and a massive 71″ LED screen surged forward. The display lit up with a small inset picture of Tiffany. Surrounding her image where schematics and charts on the design of his baseball cards.

“Hi Craig, I got the cards, I must say they are a bit… strange. I agree the market could use a change, but I’m puzzled by some these.”

Craig immediately stood up and skipped closer to the display. Good thing his Brave’s bathrobe was tied securely! “My dear Tiffany, I realized that with the foul baseball card company monopolizing the market, innovation and creativeness have been stifled for more than decade. I sense an opportunity to bring baseball cards into the 21st Century. Using a lot of high tech.”

He picked up a Roy Halladay prototype card: “As you can see it’s not just a card, it’s a very thin electronic device. Instead of just one picture of Roy Halladay, you get several ones as the card transitions them. On the back of the card, his stats are continuously updated through the internet… or will be once the season starts of course.”

Tiffany raised an eyebrow. “That’s interesting Craig, but what’s wrong with this Roy Ozwalt card?”

“Oh that! Until Ozwalt actually accepts an offer, the card computes the probability of signing with a team and fluctuates the pictures to possible team uniforms. Once it’s announced the card will settle on the final configuration.”

She nodded uncertainly and held up another card: “Miguel Cabrera? What’s this BSOHL label on his card?”

“The card keeps track of which ball player is in the Best Shape of His Life. We have a fellow Twins’ fan who keeps the database updated and the card reflects this accordingly. You should see the Jose Reyes one, fans have a choice between Dreadlocks and no Dreadlocks.”

“All very interesting Craig, it’s certainly outlandish, but this kind of tech looks pricey. How much are each one of these going for?”

Craig started to speak, held a finger up and then frowned. “That could be a problem, the best price I can come up with is $500…”


If anything I’m probably underestimating the cost of such a baseball card. Wouldn’t it be neat to have something like that though!?

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