If you were to tune in to NBC you would see a scratchy video feed, a bit muddled, but you would hear a pair of voices in the background:
“Is it ready yet?”
“Almost. You know Craig, NBC won’t be happy you’re taking over the signal.”
“Everyone must be properly aware of this situation. It’s important for Baseball!”
“Haven’t you been controversial enough with this topic?”
“The truth is only controversial if you disagree with it!”
The screen now changes to show a man wearing a bathrobe, smoking a bubble pipe. The background isn’t readily distinguishable.
“You’re live Craig!”
“Greetings viewers. I have interrupted this signal because the bickering has become intolerably long. It seems I have not written enough over the past week explaining to you why standard procedures must be followed in our country. They are our only guarantee that Authority can’t abuse its power. Simply put, we have rules in place that are followed to determine properly beyond any reasonable doubt the occurrence of an event. We here at HBT are serious in our craft and do not easily partake in rumor or innuendo.”
The figure adjusts his collar one more time before finishing his speech:
“So, for the last time: Chipper Jones is not in the Worst Shape of His Life! That photo was taken when the wind was blowing! He’d only be fat from one side if that were true!”
I am of course, referring to when Craig was tormented mercilessly over a Chipper Jones in ST photo.