The Lair has an idea to hold umpires accountable

Umpires! Wisdom has it that the best umpire is the anonymous umpire.


‘The scene was electrifying! The stadium was full. Hordes of unhappy fans chanting and shouting. At home plate, there was a large Guillotine. Several hooded men brought out a man in a blue and black uniform. He was an umpire. His transgression? He declared a pitch two feet off the plate a strike, pitch-trax evidence was undeniable, that location was nowhere near the strike zone.

The Jumbotron clearly showed just how gregarious the blown call had been. As the man was taken to home plate, Cody Ross extended his arm, made a fist and then pointed his thumb…. downwards. The hooded men fitted the umpire on the Guillotine and struck the lever… CHOP! One less horrible umpire.

The next one to come out had the opposite problem. A pitch clearly in the box, over the plate, being called a ball. Tsk, tsk. After a short look at the Jumbotron evidence, Roy Halladay extended his arm, made a fist and pointed his thumb… down! CHOP another umpire bites the dust… The crowd goes wild. The message has been sent. Clean up your act, or else…”

Tiffany finished reading with her eyes growing wider with each word. She looked up at Craig, who was, as usual, sitting in his high chair, puffing bubbles while wearing his Braves Bathrobe.

“So what do you think?, asked Craig.

Measuring her words carefully, she answered: “I’m not sure MLB would like your proposal for holding umpires accountable Craig…”

Oh come on! I’m sure he’s fantasized this scenario once or twice… heck I’m sure Roy Halladay was thinking it last night…

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