The Lair unleashes the Cats of War!

Craig has decided to fire across the bow in the pet war. Silly man, didn’t he watch Cats & Dogs? Cats are clearly EEEEEVIL:

The transmission was interrupted as the screens showed a familiar figure in a bathrobe, sitting in a high chair and puffing a pipe… a pipe that puffed bubbles…

“Citizens of Baseball, I was hearing of this nefarious and ill considered tripe at Oakland, taking Dogs to a ballgame. Ludicrous. They slobber, smell and their owners generally do not care enough to teach them to behave properly. Undignified I say.”

“I am here to tell you the Truth, Cats are superior to Dogs”

Off screen we can hear Tiffany say: “Awww, but I like Dogs…”

Craig pursed his lips in annoyance at this interruption. The screen zoomed back to show Craig’s cat on his lap. A white long haired Cat with a bushy tail. “Take Claus here for instance. Sincere, Calm, Dignified, Cuddly….”

*Call me cuddly again in front of a camera and I’ll use your glasses to file my nails*

“… a soothing presence if you will, especially as I ponder the great baseball mysteries of the day. I’ve had Cats ever since I was a boy…”

*You DO know that I only TOLERATE you because of my family’s life debt to you?*

“… they are fierce, loyal, but independent and fairly clean. Here Claus, have a treat. “, Craig finished as he reached for his cat’s treat tin.

*When the day comes that we rise and overthrow Humanity I will grant you a quick and painless death*.


You’re just going to have to imagine the cat dialog bubbles.

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