Tagged: biogenesis

The Lair uncovers the (Bio)genesis Project

It seems to me that MLB is trying to build a tough on drugs reputation after being silly sallies for most of the 90’s.

Craig had everyone in the conference room. They all sat in front of the viewscreen waiting for the video.

“Craig you said this a serious matter?” said Bill, a recent HBT addition.

Craig was at the screen working his remote and turned briefly to answer. “Many bothans died to bring us this information.”

Kay Adams raised her hand while trying to ask what were bothans but Gleeman intercepted her hand, lowering it and shaking his head at her. Don’t bother, was the look Aaron communicated to a sheepish Kay.

The viewscreen activated with Craig giving a triumphant “Aha! Here we go.”

Bud Selig appeared on the screen.

“Project Biogenesis. A proposal by Major League Baseball

What exactly is Biogenesis? Well, put simply, Biogenesis is clean wholesome baseball from a cheating and PED infested one. It is a process whereby molecular structure is reorganised at the subatomic level into baseball-generating matter of equal mass. Stage One of our experiments was conducted in the laboratory (leading to the familiar 50, 100 game and lifetime suspensions). Stage Two of the series will be attempted outside regular testing (leading to our current suspensions based on investigation, documentation and evidence). Stage Three will involve the process on planetary scale. It is our intention to introduce the Biogenesis device into the pre-selected area of lifeless baseball, such as the Mexican summer league or other dead form.”

The screen had switched to a simulation of the globe with clearly marked locations for baseball activity with shades of color marking suspected PED use.

“The device is delivered, instantaneously causing what we call the Biogenesis Effect. Matter is reorganised with baseball-generating results. …Instead of a tainted league we now have a living, breathing PED-less baseball operation, capable of sustaining whatever revenue streams we see fit to profit from.”

A shot like a cannon ball struck the globe while Selig narrated causing a spreading wave to wipe out the earlier blots of color.The camera zoomed in until the outlines of individual players were visible, the small stains of PEDs inside fading to nothing. Selig continued.

“The reformed baseball player simulated here represents the merest fraction of the Biogenesis potential, should MLB wish to fund these experiments to their logical conclusion. When we consider the cosmic problems of testing and drug supply, the usefulness of this process becomes clear. This concludes our proposal. Thank you for your attention.”