Tagged: Craig Calcaterra

The Lair meets and greets Derek Jeter, or Did they?

Wow, it’s been awhile. I think I will stop trying to make blog posts on the main HBT threads. It’s extremely hard to do because it’s something that’s extremely time sensitive, by the time I have good ideas for blog posts the moment is lost. Also, having a 2 year old, a 6 month old and a full time job will cut into your spare writing time (ugh). While still plenty active to make pithy comments on HBT I noticed Craig had a meet and greet with Derek Jeter. Here’s how it really went down:

Craig waltzed into the Yankee locker room at the spring training complex known as Steinbrenner Field. Sporting the braves bathrobe he didn’t look entirely out of place, except for the bubble pipe in his hand.

He sought out his target, put the bubble pipe in his pocket, took out a small notebook, nodded a couple of times and proceeded to Derek Jeter’s locker.

“Derek, do you have a minute?”. Craig resovled to be totally smooth and not overawed by the Yankee Legend. For his part Jeter looked up and beamed at Craig.

“Craig buddy! How are you doing!”

A little off balance (when did he become buddies with Derek Jeter?), Craig did his best to respond in a nonchalant manner.

“Doing Ok, taking in a few spring training games. Baseball won’t run by itself you know. I have to be there, behind the scenes, fixing things, the usual.”

“Sounds fantastic, what can I do for you?”

“Well Derek, just wondering how your silent takeover of the Yankees is coming along. It took me about a year, but I managed to dig through the records, dummy corporations, fronts, etc. All those gift baskets actually being an information network. That’s pretty clever if I may say so.”

Derek smiled wide and wagged his finger at Craig.

“We do this every year Craig, and it’s always the same. You never do wonder how I so successfully manage the media. That’s always your mistake.

Craig’s face turned into confusion.

“Every year?”

Derek snapped his fingers and put on his sunglasses. Every other player in the locker room – no matter what they were doing – did the same in one smooth motion.

“The answer is in this light Craig.”

Jeter was holding up a tube with a little light at the top. Craig squinted at it.

“Light? What?”

Big flash. And Derek continued speaking:

“Well Craig, aside from usually forgetting this ever happened and sending me all the files you collected I’m positive we’ll have to do it again next year somewhere, just remember we had a short innocuous conversation. Something about Tanaka and Brian Roberts ok?”


Jeter stood up ready for batting practice. He slapped Craig on the shoulder and walked out.

“Take care of yourself Craig”.